Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
