A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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