you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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