there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
