I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
