you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
