So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
