omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
