Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
