Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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