I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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