She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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