You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
