please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
