nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
