Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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