I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
