Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
