Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She's the barista slut.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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