So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
All I want is dick and wine.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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