I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
