just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
