This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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