you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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