bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
