I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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