I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
