there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
