glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
