He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
