I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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