respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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