So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
