pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
