just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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