after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
