Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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