i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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