I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
