Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
