I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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