Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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