Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
