I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
