Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
