i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
