I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize