apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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