You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
