You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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