Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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