I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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