spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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