So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
there is puke in my bra ... again
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
