How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Holy sore nipples Batman
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
