i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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